An open letter to One Tree Hill

Dear One Tree Hill,

We’ve been together for years it seems. I can remember watching Lucas dribble his basketball across the bridge in the introduction for years, when you weren’t entirely certain if him and Peyton were ever going to get it together, and when Brooke was a skank.

I can remember when Chris Keller was the KING of nothing charming, instead of singing about being the prince of nothing charming, and when Chase was a clean teen instead of doing Keller’s girl.

And as my memory goes back to the beginning, there are just a few things I want to say to you:

1. Thank you for skipping the college years when every other series has gone to hell. And for giving college girls the opportunity to bond in one dorm room with snacks and limited seating space to watch the show.

2. Thank you for letting Hailey and Nathan stay together, though I haven’t seen this week’s episode yet so in theory Nathan could be dead as I type this, and Jamie appear to be a relatively normal child despite his parents being in high school when he was conceived.

3. Thank you for ensuring that everyone in their early 20s is going to expect to make the big bucks, while in reality they’ll be eating what Brooke and Julian would overlook in the grocery store (Ramen, in case you didn’t guess).

4. Thanks for showing Mouth and Millie as journalists, but those that make money. That doesn’t happen in your 20s, nor in a small market. If you know of a real example, please send me a link to apply.

5. Thank you for keeping the Skills-Deb romance brief as it was incredibly creepy and gross.

6. I have yet to figure out why you kept Dan Scott on the show for as long as you did, but he had his redeeming moments like threatening the drug dealer and trying to drown Clay. twice.

7. I love that so much new musical talent was a part of the show. In fact, I will probably go on a mass downloading/buying spree in the near future solely due to OTH.

8. I love that after 8 years, I FINALLY made it to the River Court, Karen’s Cafe and Clothes Over Bros in 2011.

River Court

Karen's Cafe

Clothes over Bros

9. Also in 2011: Screen Gems Tour with the focus being on OTH. I was in heaven.

❤

10. Thank you for making me laugh, cry, smile and everything in the middle. I am going to miss you terribly when all I’ve got left is re-runs on cable since, you know, I don’t have cable.

Love,

One devoted OTH fan who, while aggravated with this final season, wouldn’t trade any of the time spent watching OTH for the world.

I can do anything, and so can you. Because I said so.

A cleaner, more focused version of this was posted on my work blog. The differences are in italics.

I’ve learned a lot over the last 10 months, but one of the biggies is that each day is the beginning of a new journey.

Daily, I have to refocus my efforts to live a healthier lifestyle. Daily, I have to resolve to workout and eat better. Read: AVOID THE POTATO CHIPS.

Daily, I have to remind myself that I have lost 26 pounds and am nearly at the end of my weightloss journey. Read: AVOID THE PIZZA AND WINGS.

Daily, I have to remind myself that I want to look damn hot in my bikini this summer. Because, really, that’s what this is about. Screw health, screw a better lifestyle. I just want to look good in a damn bikini for once. K thanks. (I’m kidding. Sort of. Probably not as much as I should be).

Then the toning journey begins. Not that I have a clue where to even begin. And let’s not even talk about the I want to start running journey. Running, WTF am I thinking?!

With each small victory, whether it’s scale-related or a nonscale victory, I feel like a champion. Because, let’s be clear, I am a champion. I kicked my Bojangles for breakfast, Burger King for lunch, Bojangles for dinner and Mountain Dew in between diet. I can officially do anything.

Pants loose around the thighs? Awesome. No longer need to button and zip that favorite pair of jeans to get out of them? Fabulous. And convenient, depending. That hoody that used to be tight enough you couldn’t wear a tanktop under it? Yeah, it’s great when the sleeves slide up your arms while you’re doing your weight routine. Oh, and congrats on being able to fit multiple shirts under it now and still have room. I love that hoody, but it’ll be in the next to go pile I think.

Weightloss takes time and dedication and, I’ll be honest, in May I wasn’t sure I’d have enough of either. In fact, I was 99.9% sure I did not have either. But making time for exercise is like making time for that person you’re in a new relationship with: The amount of time you have available is the amount of time you make available. And you and I both know, if that person’s interesting enough or cute enough, you can come up with plenty of time to spend with them. At least I know I can. If a man is good looking and can keep me smiling, I’ll make time for him. Unfortunately, I will probably also gain weight back while socializing with him.

For me, this journey’s been a chance to see what I’m made of and to get to know myself again. For so long, I’ve focused on what I’m doing – college, reporting, updating JDNews, writing a column of things to do in the area, dealing with my family – instead of just living.

When I’m walking, it’s a chance to think, observe the peacefulness and beauty of a nice evening, or just enjoy the quiet. It’s a chance to ignore my cell phone vibrating with new emails, Facebook notifications and Tweets. It’s an opportunity to forget that my grandmother, while physically healthy, tends to be incredibly forgetful to the point where my relocating houses is looking more and more necessary each week.

My three-miles on the stationary bike each morning give me a chance to listen to a Joyce Meyer broadcast and get motivated for the day. And let’s be clear, I need all the motivation I can get. Did I think six months ago I’d be getting it from anything religious? No. But, alas, Joyce gets my ass in gear.

And now, 10 months after the journey began, I’m less than one pound away from having “teen” in my weight again. My revised goal is 117 pounds, which gives me a 30-pound loss and has me in the midst of the healthy weight range for my lack of height. It also has me at my pre-I-love-booze weight.

I’m 3.6 pounds away from that now, and I cannot wait to get there.

And I just hope that once I get there, I like what I see because I’m incredibly damn tired of revising goals.

Catching up in a nutshell

I'm nearly at 30 pounds lost

New glasses

And I made an awkwardly shaped baby blanket for my nephew who's due in May

We’ll start the real catching up tomorrow 😉

Doing right by mirrors and more

I realized a long time ago that I underestimate myself. I have little faith in what I’m capable of doing and even less motivation if it’s something having to do with my personal life.

But for the first time in years, I did something positive for myself: Today I met my first big weightloss goal.

And in typical Amanda fashion, I went straight to a tattoo parlor to celebrate. But don’t worry, I didn’t get more ink (yet). This time I got a piercing, one I’ve missed for many years.

In 2008, I took out my belly button ring after what seemed like the 1,000th person asked how many months along I was in my pregnancy. The problem with this: I wasn’t pregnant and had never been pregnant. I had one hell of a booze gut and was out of shape, but that question (which was asked in front of about 20 people mind you) did me in.

That night I took out my belly button ring and threw out all my jewelry so I wasn’t tempted to put it back in.

I told myself when I began this journey, I’d get re-pierced when I hit the first major goal (it changed a few times). And today was the day.

The creepy clamp

The piercer getting it done

 

All done

It’s been a long time since I’ve been OK with my midsection, or how I look in general, but I’m so very glad to say that for the first time in years, I don’t hide from mirrors. Realistically, I should probably walk away from them more but even when I’m talking to my boss in her office, I catch myself staring in it.

I never thought I’d be that vain, but what did I know?

It’s funny how much my confidence is associated with my appearance. I know there’s so much more to life than that. I know I’m at least reasonably intelligent and that I’m good at my job and that I am capable of being a good person when I’m not in bitch mode. But for me, half of holding your head up high is being able to look folks in the eye, and I can’t do that when I’m uncomfortable with my body.

But each day I’m holding my head a bit higher, and looking in the mirror a little bit more.

Facts correction

While walking around Jacksonville Commons tonight with Kathy, she informed me that last night’s “Random Facts” post is not entirely accurate. So, to appease Kathy, here we go:

13. I have a short attention span, it’s basically impossible for me to stay focused for longer than a couple minutes unless a good book is involved.

When reading a good book, I basically forget that sleep and food is required to live a healthy lifestyle. I can lay in bed, lay on the couch or sit at the kitchen table for a long as is required to read the book. I’ve even been known to sit on the steps of my porch from the beginning to end of a book if it’s good. Needless to say, that’s resulted in many the sunburn.

So, I can be distracted from:

• Housework
• Work work
• Cooking
• Cleaning
• Anything domestic
• And pretty much anything else other than reading.

The end.

 

Random facts

There are a few things you should probably know about me. I’m obviously a female on a mission but I’m a female with so many quirks and oddities that it can be hard to figure me out at times. So, here’s a bit of help:

1. I love Mountain Dew. You know you have a problem when a girl you went to high school with and haven’t seen in five years asks if you still have a Mountain Dew addiction while she’s serving you at an area restaurant.

2. I do not eat anything green. Lately, I’ve added green apples and green grapes to my diet but that doesn’t mean that broccoli and other green items will ever join. Sorry, ma.

3. I don’t like to touch pumpkin goop. I like to carve pumpkins and eat pumpkin seeds but I do not like the goop.

4. I have trust issues. As in I don’t trust anyone other than myself and a select few others. Just because we’ve talked for years or you know a bit about me doesn’t mean I trust you.

5. More than likely, I’d rather hang out with Chopper my evil husky than deal with people and their crap. Sorry, that’s just the way it is.

6. I hide in books. I’d rather deal with a fictional character’s issues and see how they solve them than face my own.

7. If I’m hating life, I’m typically at the office other than waking hours. Lately, this has turned into I’m walking my ass off. I’m 99.5% sure I have not lost weight because I try, instead I’ve lost weight because I’m constantly angry.

8. I don’t eat anything I could swim with. No fish, shark, dolphin, seaweed, etc. I will eat shrimp, occassionally.

9. I’m not a breakfast person but I really like scrambled eggs and hashbrowns for dinner.

10. I don’t cook from scratch, but I am beast as far as frozen-already-prepared meals go. Frozen chicken and instant mashed potatoes anyone?

11. I’ve been going back and forth with the same man since 2005. I’m hoping we’ll figure it all out in the near future.

12. I very much want to go outside and scream at children to stay off my lawn.

13. I have a short attention span, it’s basically impossible for me to stay focused for longer than a couple minutes.

14. I smoke. A lot. And I hate that I cannot go into a bar and enjoy a cigarette with my drinks anymore.

15. Strawberry Toaster Strudel may be the end of my diet. I love them and the icing!

16. I believe in abortion, divorce and gay marriage. Deal with it.

17. I do not believe in organized religion and am not a fan of being told someone’s going to pray for me. If you want to, that’s your choice but I’m OK not knowing about it.

18. I support our troops. I do not agree with this war. Bring our men and women back already. And take care of them once they’re back. Emotionally and Physically.

19. I’d be happy working two days a week and having five off.

20. I desperately want burger king but I may settle for Hamburger Helper

Making progress

This morning I got closer to my goal: After more than a month of hovering between 135 and 138 pounds, I weighed in at 134.8.

To most, this won’t seem like much but it gives me that extra push to get in gear.

Saturday, I walked about five miles, did 200 crunches on the ab lounge and bought little easy grip three pound weights. They got used twice and, I’m not going to lie, my poor little arms hurt like hell today. Today’s plan is to walk about six miles, do 250 crunches on the ab lounge, use the weights twice and hit the exericse bike for at least 10 minutes.

Basically, I’m hoping to be at 130 at or shortly after Pay Day Friday (aka Sept. 23) so I can get my belly button re-pierced before I’m in sweaters and jackets nonstop.

What I’ve realized is that I’m so focused on the goal, I would be willing to skip food entirely. I’m not, mind you, but each time I sit down for a meal I’m pondering how much I’m going to have to walk to make sure I don’t gain the next day. How many crunches I’ll need to do to get rid of any signs of gluttony. How long on the exercise bike to save a few minutes of my time.

The potato chip aisle at the grocery store hurts my heart. I love its contents so very much, but I don’t love its affect on my weigh-ins at all. My bottle of vodka’s been sitting in my freezer untouched for a month now since I love it with Mountain Dew and once I’m drinking I desperately want pizza and the aforementioned chips.

It turns out folks were right when they said weightloss and health(ier) living was a lifestyle change. I’ve given up much of what I love to achieve this goal, I’ve gone from being a bum after work to moving more than I had in years, I’ve gone from three fast food meals a day to doubting every food decision I make.

I’m hoping that once I get there, it’ll get easier to maintain it rather than constantly decreasing. But somehow I suspect that it’ll have its struggles, too: 1.) Chopper wanting to walk constantly 2.) Potato chip envy 3.) Remembering to not gourge on food.

Oh how I miss the days of 3,000+ calories and no guilt.

Oh how far we’ve come

When I realized it was time to shed a few pounds (read when none of my pants would fit without me resembling a stereotypical plumber), I had one simple goal: Do better than I was at that point. Translation: Eat better, exercise more and drink less soda and more water.

On days like today when I wake up unable to give a damn, grab McDonald’s hashbrowns on my way to work and eat a coney and mozzarrella sticks for lunch, I have to remind myself of my goal (which I’m only five pounds from at this point).

But I also have to remember that just a few months ago I would’ve had the massive McD’s platter for breakfast complete with pancakes and syrup and the hashbrowns. Just a couple months ago I would’ve had the coney, mozz sticks, tator tots and a ginormous soda to wash it all down. Then I would’ve followed all that up with a Bojangles dinner instead of coming home and making dinner, even if it wasn’t the healthiest thing I could’ve made.

Some days are shit, to put it bluntly. And some days, like the days you were expecting to see someone you haven’t seen in what seems like forever and know that isn’t going to happen, simply require comfort food.

And the biggest difference between now and a few months ago: then I would’ve ate all that, washed it down with a Mountain Dew because I’m not a fan of water, not exercised and gone straight into bum mode. Tonight I put a leash on my energetic husky and went on a 2.5 mile walk.

The end result: I’m in a better mood than I was this morning and this afternoon and I’m under my calorie goal for the day despite having ate more (and worse) than I should have.

I’ve come a long way from where I was a few months ago, something my mother reminds of me each time she looks at me and says “I can’t believe how much weight you’ve lost,” and while days like today may be a temporary set back, I’m still doing a hell of a lot better than I was.

Tomorrow’s a brand new day and my Slimfast shake, water bottle and apple slices are waiting in the fridge together for me to take them to work in the morning. My Lean Pockets are in the freezer for lunch time. And I’m sure I can scrounge up something for dinner.

I’m only five pounds away and that’s way too close to my goal to throw it away now.

Picture perfect

I got my disc of photos from Jordan and Snap to Photography tonight and I am thrilled!

I’m *never* happy with photos of me, but these were fun and I’m thrilled with how they turned out. Here are a few of my favorites:

 

 

Starting over

A few months ago, I set out on a journey to improve the way I feel about myself. Since I’ve been unhappy with my appearance for what seems like forever, that was step No. 1.

However, I’m currently five pounds away from my goal and it still seems like happiness is so far away.

Part of it is easily solved. A large part of my heart has been gone for a long time and that’s currently being resolved. But a larger part is that I miss writing for me. I miss the fun of coming home after a long day at the office and just *writing* about the random thoughts, ideas, emotions that come with daily life.

So today, Sept. 12, 2011, is day No. 1 of “Operation blog a lot.” The goal is not to flood your feeds but to get the craziness that is in my head and heart into something comprehensible. And, perhaps, to allow you a giggle or two along the way.

In the mean time, I shall spend tonight sprucing this ole blog back up. Thanks to Jordan at Snap to Photography for the photo in this post and the one that is in the blog header. I need to find a template that will allow for the entire photo since it’s basically awesome.