I will be… confident

Confidence has never been my strong point.

Hard work, I’ve got covered. Strength, got it. Determination, sure. Confidence? Not so much. Or not at all, really.

But lately, I’ve found myself feeling better about it.

You see, my current journey isn’t all physical. Growing up, I had this idea of who I’d be at 25. Among the things I’d hoped to be were gorgeous (because I am vain), confident and loving my life.

Through months of hard work, I’m *finally* OK with my appearance. Some days I’m more than OK with it, I’m thrilled.

For example, on the day of the photo above, I could *see* the difference. My arms are so much smaller than they were a year ago, let alone two. My legs are tiny in comparison and don’t get me going on my gut.

Other days, like today when I tried on a bikini, I see an improvement but that I’m not where I want to be. Of course, I also tried on the bikini after eating two slices of Tony’s Pizza (which is the best in Jacksonville, in my opinion), some cheesy garlic bread and some fried ravioli, which was all washed down with Mello Yello. Needless to say, probably not the best time to try on a bikini.

But confidence can’t be only about the physical. I’m learning to be more positive, to not doubt myself, to trust God more and have more faith in Him and in what I am capable of through him.

I’ve never been a religious person, but I’m learning that I don’t have to be. At the end of the day, it’s about a person’s relationship with God not what church they attend. I don’t believe God takes attendance. I believe he is more concerned with how you act, if you are living life as He’d want you to.

Joyce Meyer is proving instrumental in this journey. Between watching her broadcasts, reading her books and following her on various social media, I’ve learned more in the last couple months than I had in 25 years.

I’m currently reading her book “The Confident Woman” because, frankly, it couldn’t hurt. My logic at this point is that even if I only learn one thing, the book was worth reading since it was one thing I didn’t know before hand.

But I digress.

While reading tonight, I came across what Joyce calls the “seven secrets of a confident woman” and, I have to say, seeing them in black and white helped. Reading about them helped more. Filling a couple pages in my journal with them added to the help that was being done. And, I hope, sharing them here will help as well:

1. A confident woman knows she is loved. (This is one I’ve always had issues with)
2. A confident woman refuses to live in fear.(Also have problems with this one)
3. A confident woman is positive. (Getting better at this one but I still have a lonnnnng way to go)
4. A confident woman recovers from setbacks. (This I’ve got covered. Typically, I mope for a while then go back to plotting my next move. If you don’t believe me, ask my boss. I’m sure she can vouch for this.)
5. A confident woman avoids comparison (I’m awful at this)
6. A confident woman takes action (this depends on what I’m taking action on, I tend to procrastinate if it’s something I really don’t want to deal with).
7. A confident woman does not live in “if only” and “what if” (Anyone remember the man known as Lucy the football stealing wench? What ifs. That’s all I’m saying.)

These secrets, as Joyce calls them, are how I want to be. I want to know I’m loved, be positive, not live in fear, avoid comparing myself with others, take action and avoid the “what ifs” in life (especially where men are concerned since they are my biggest “what if” downfall).

I want the life I dreamed of. I want to be everything I am capable of being. I want to be the kind of woman who can be inspirational to others. I am also vain enough to say that I want to be the kind of woman who men nearly break their necks to look at when she walks by. Obviously, that’s not something I’m proud of, but it’s there. (And a few years ago, I would’ve said that I want to be the woman that other women hate because they compare themselves to her, so I’m growing as a person).

And I am going to have the life I dreamed of. I may not have a best seller on the shelf (yet), have the flat tummy of my dreams (yet), be able to run for miles, or be married as I’d hoped to be at this point in my life, but I have a job that pays the bills, wonderful friends and family, and know that I am capable of doing anything I put my mind to.

Because I am becoming a confident woman.